In late February, ABC's Good Morning America aired a series on the "mommy wars", propagating an unnecessary battle between working mothers and stay-at-home moms.
In response, NOW President Kim Gandy sent a letter to ABC and series host Diane Sawyer in which she sets the record straight.
The "mommy wars" are a false dichotomy. The truth is that the issue is not black and white. Some women today have more alternatives. Others do not, and that's usually a bad thing.
(And, for the record, I want to note that one of the best parents I've ever met was a stay-at-home dad.)
I am disappointed in Diane Sawyer.
Below is the text of Gandy's letter to ABC:
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Diane Sawyer, Anchor
Ben Sherwood, Executive Producer
Good Morning America
Dear Ms. Sawyer and Mr. Sherwood:
ABC's Good Morning America recently aired a series on the so-called "Mommy Wars" reported by Diane Sawyer (Feb. 22-23). As a mother of two daughters, a feminist and president of the National Organization for Women, I am deeply disappointed that you are promoting a "war" between employed mothers and stay-at-home mothers. It was a transparent bid to increase ratings, but you could have done that by talking about the real issues mothers and caregivers face.
From start to finish, this feature offered much heat but little light. The "Mommy Wars" title was the first clue that the story would pit one group of hard-working women against another. Having promised a "red hot" debate, ABC proceeded to create a provocative piece that had little substance and even fewer solutions.
The choice of retired Brandeis law professor Linda Hirshman as the inspiration and framework for the segments was obviously intended to be inflammatory. The position she takes—that all well-educated mothers will be leading "lesser lives" if they don't work outside the home—is a minority viewpoint. Repeating it sure stirs the pot but it doesn't lead to a productive discussion about the work/family balancing act that most parents face.
The three women who appeared on the program following Hirshman seemed uncomfortable with being dragged into a "which choice is better" debate. One of the stay-at-home moms even protested that she didn't want to tell other mothers what they should do. But that statement wasn't in keeping with the confrontational nature of the segment, so Diane Sawyer prodded her to tell the mother who worked outside the home just what she was missing by not being with her kids during the day.
It's not surprising that in the 24 hours between the first and second parts of the series, ABC received many emails from fired-up viewers. Good Morning America claimed that these two groups of mothers are "pointing fingers" at each other and exchanging "dirty looks"—but it is shows like this that seek to pit women against each other. In reality, women are uniting to find solutions to the challenges that affect us all.
One large segment of the "mommy" world completely ignored by ABC and Sawyer are the mothers who live at or near poverty, forced into a 40-hour work week by a "reformed" welfare system that fails to address their basic needs. What are moms who must work to put food on the table supposed to think about a debate that manages both to exclude and scold them?
Forty years after the founding of NOW—the organization that coined the phrase "Every Mother is a Working Mother"—it is disheartening to see a respected news organization perpetuate such outdated arguments. Years of feminist-led progress have resulted in more options for women, but segments like the "Mommy Wars" imply that we still can't trust individual women to make the best decisions for themselves and their families.
The futile search for a one-size-fits-all solution to parenting only distracts us from the real issues that impact all mothers, and experienced journalists should recognize that fact and be brave enough to speak about what is really happening to women in our country. I find myself wondering whether there were any poor mothers, single mothers, stay-at-home mothers or employed mothers of young children at the news table when these insulting segments were being pitched and developed.
Here's a compelling topic for a future feature: How can our society better support mothers and caregivers so that they can choose to work either outside or inside the home—whether it's full-time or part-time—without additional guilt, financial strife or other barriers? How can workplaces, educational institutions, the public service sector and our government make caregiving a more respected and less stressful endeavor? Paid family leave, recognition of the work of caregivers by providing disability and unemployment insurance, Social Security credits, group health insurance, respite care services, public transportation and early childhood education in every community come to mind, but there are many others.
It is also crucial to talk about men's role and responsibility in parenting. Women need to know that they don't have to do it all. For example, men who choose to stay at home with their children are often ridiculed or overlooked, rather than supported.
NOW suggests that ABC do a "real" series on the economic and childrearing challenges facing today's parents and we would be happy to provide resources from our Mothers and Caregivers Economic Rights Committee and also recommend spokespeople who can address the truly relevant issues involved in this struggle. A dialogue on these concerns would be far more challenging to develop than the bogus "Mommy Wars," but it would better serve your viewers and the women of this nation.
I look forward to your reply.
Sincerely,
Kim Gandy
President
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[View it on the NOW site.]
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